In the words of Jim Morrison, “people are strange”, none more unique than the kinds of sexual rarities listed below who can either only cum in specific cir(cum)stances or need unusual stimuli to pop a load. You might think your strange fascination with cumming on people’s feet makes you weird, or it’s odd you insist your partner dress up in cosplay as Ripley from Alien while you use your tentacle on her, but, compared to these people, that’s vanilla.
Sploodging Mid Workout
From my experience of the modern gym, a sort of catwalk for people with muscles to take pics of each other, everyone in the place has their bits hard for both the other gym users, themselves and the very concept of fitness. The sort of people who probably wank in front of a full length mirror while spilling a whey protein shake all over their shaved chests. So it’s no surprise to find that a study of 530 women by researchers at Indiana University revealed that 124 of them experienced an orgasm during exercises like yoga, biking, weight lifting and running. Not to mention the old hymen-breaking classic, horse riding.
Getting A Bonk On At The Hairdressers
There was once a strange, bewildered man in our town (code: slightly pervy smelly bloke – the sort of guy who you expect leaves old porn mags in bushes, for impressionable pre-teens to find) who was once caught pleasuring himself while getting a haircut. But that was the 80s, it was a different time where strange sexual chimeras walked amongst us rather than strapped to their laptops glaring at the darker parts of the internet. Busting a load while getting your hair did however is apparently a thing for even the non-perverted. People withAutonomous Sensory Meridian Response (ASMR), experience a pleasurable sensation from things like listening to people whispering, massages, or indeed, getting your hair cut. Like Gok Wan probably does.
People Who Cum When They Yawn
I think we can all agree having an ole yawn is pretty damn special. When combined with a back cracking stretch, it’s a dopamine releasing mood lifter! I don’t know, however, if I’ve ever glanced down at my pants, post-yawn, to find a wet patch congealing into a hard crust. But in 1995, this exact scenario happened to people who were prescribed a certain anti-depressant. The sufferers reported having the altogether unexpected side effect of orgasms when they yawned, with one woman saying it went as far as to cure her depression. Now that’s some pharmacology we can all get behind.
I’m all for this, women have to go through an unthinkable amount of pain to bring humans into this world. So, if while they’re doing it, God or Richard Dawkins or whoever, has seen fit that they should at least get a pain-relieving leg trembler out of it, then who are we to deny them that? Just don’t tell your son or daughter that as their head was crowning they were most likely hit in the face with a hot squirt of mammy’s love medicine.
Popping A Load Just By Thinking About It
So apparently not just Lady Gaga, and probably Ron Jeremy, can make themselves cum just by thinking about it, there are reports that people all over the world are able to hit the climactic plateau merely by thinking about it. At this news of head-gasms, or mind-wanks, there are surely troves of desensitised habitual porn users screaming in frustration, probably with their bits in hand, joylessly watching clips of Vietnamese lactation porn and crying.
When Brushing Teeth
Imagine how fucking glistening your teeth would be if every time you brushed them, hot shivers of orgasmic energy flowed through your body? People would get snowblindness just from making you smile. Cameramen would be white balancing on your back molars. Dentists would be out of work! Apparently though, in our weird and wonderful world, people do experience orgasms from the pleasurable sensation they get brushing their teeth… most likely, ten to fifteen times a day. You’d never get caught wanking in the bathroom again… “I’ll be out in a minute, I’m just brushing my teeth!”
People Can Only Cum When Completely Alone
Weird as it may sound, but some people struggle to pop their shuddering load when in the company of a partner, needing to retire to a quiet room to crank or finger themselves to orgasm, perhaps while thinking about dying alone in the woods with only the birds for company. Or they probably just have an in-built self conscious reflex which means they can’t relax enough in front of other people to orgasm, probably from some childhood trauma like finding your dad’s porn stash, or having the girl next door laugh at your dick.